Saturday, March 26, 2011

Jazz and Rain

Smooth jazz fills the smoky room, but I try to concentrate on the faint pitter-patter of rain. It's more pleasing to my ears. And as I expel a lungful of rose flavored smoke into the empty space, I realize that I'm alone. Not in the sense that I am unaccompanied this evening. No, there are plenty of people around, some of whom would even call me a friend, if such a thing exists.

My isolation is internal, an understanding that I am composed of the same decaying matter as the grass that I trod on so thoughtlessly to get to this hole in the wall.

As I fall deeper and deeper into a drunken stupor, I see things more soberly. I ponder the futility of my action, action in general. Eventually, I just stop acting. Everyone around me seems so giddy, so eager to experience something or other at some point in fleeting time. They try to keep each other entertained with trivial exchanges in the meantime, but I can't bring myself to participate. When I'm called on to comment on some inane subject, I try my best to seem interested, but my words are sparse, my insincerity painfully obvious.

The blue-eyed girl sitting across the table says, "You're awfully quiet tonight." She and her friends giggle as they look to me for a response. The jazz gets louder. What's so awful about being quiet, I think to myself.

"I don't know" is all I can manage to say.

My most sincere words of the night. They giggle again and resume their performance. I lean back and listen to the rain. I decompose.

22 comments:

  1. I love listening to jazz on a rainy day. Bill Evans is my favorite! Just showing my support!

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  2. Music is really good on any level

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  3. Interesting... You seem at ease with your loneliness and dissociation from others. That must be nice :(

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  4. Very introspective, I like that. You may be right, but really isn't the point of life to gain those inane experiences? I can't comment as to for what higher purpose, perhaps just to experience them. You should read the book Messages from Michael. Good stuff for times like these.

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  5. Jazz on a rainy day's great

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  6. rainymood.com + jazz song on youtube = great

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  7. I really like your way of writing. Very nice! Looking to see more of this ;)

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  8. That's a pretty beautiful post, definitely following.

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  9. We had a sunny nice spring day here in Sweden, sounds like you didnt need the sun anyways so I guess its a win win? ;:D

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  10. It's storming outside right now, how appropriate to read this post.

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  11. Damn man..very intellectual and philosophical...love your blog already. Btw, I did that favor you asked. Also, followed.

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  12. I gotta say, you're fantastic with your word usage.

    I get the same thing sometimes. Sometimes my roommates will have friends over and I go downstairs because I figure it would be rude of me to just stay in my room. So I'll sit and listen to them talk, or watch whatever is happening on TV. Then someone will inevitably tell me "you're pretty quiet tonight." I just say "oh yeah, sorry" but really, should I have to apologize just because I don't have anything to contribute to the multiple conversations going on?

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  13. Love your blog style! Keep up the great work!

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  14. I really want to get into jazz music, could you drop a small list of names to start with? Would be much appreciated.
    Cheers.

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  15. love your blog! keep up the quality posts!

    utubed.blogspot.com

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